The Autistic Nomad

Oops, I missed a post last week! That's okay... I'm choosing to be kind to myself, and not being hard on myself for missing a post. That defeats the purpose of doing this, doesn't it? I'm writing here to share my thoughts and experiences, but also because I enjoy it. And if I'm being hard on myself, that really drains the enjoyment. What's the point of being hard on myself then?

That's a whole other topic to write about...

After almost three weeks alone over the holidays, having my wife back home was both lovely and challenging. I spent a lot of time over the holidays figuring out what I need and how to recover from burnout, and having my wife back meant I had to find a new balance. Initially, I kinda felt like I lost a lot of the gains I made over the holidays. But now I'm starting to find that new balance, and I'm back on the right trajectory.

What went well?

• Well, especially towards the end of last week, I felt like I was trending up again
• I spent some time building new friendships! This is something I've always struggled with, but that I'm trying to be more mindful and intentional of doing this year
• I gave myself time each day to recharge and rest – I find that even just 20 minutes a day helps

What did I learn?

• This week really reinforced that I need daily rest time in order to feel well
• I also learned that I need to incorporate more play into my daily life
• Surrounding myself with positive and uplifting people is also something I need more of!

What am I excited about?

• Starting a game of Orbital next week!
• Playing and doing creative things more consistently, like drawing and music production
• Establishing a balance that lets me spend more time on hobbies and interests without burning myself out

What am I thinking about?

I've always strongly believed that I can do anything I put my mind to. That I have the skills to learn new things quickly, and I can apply that to almost anything. But this week, I really started to ponder: what if that's actually not true? What if there's things – many things – that I can't do? Maybe that I'll never be able to do?

What if I'm never able to do anything with the consistency that I have with special interests like programming?

That's a challenging thought that I don't feel like I've fully processed. There's definitely a discrepancy between what I think I'm capable of, and what I've been able to accomplish in my life. It might be worth spending a bit of time exploring that, but it's also pretty uncomfortable...

I'm also thinking about ways I can contribute to the Autistic community. This is something I feel strongly about... discovering I'm Autistic was so life changing, and has given me the tools to finally understand myself and my needs better. I've found connection in the community that I've never found anywhere else. So I feel very strongly about contributing... but I don't know how, or even where to start. It's another thing I'd like to spend more time exploring.

What needs work?

• Timeboxing work: I went over my scheduled work time a bunch of times in the last couple of weeks, and I did that on my own, not because work was demanding. My well-being suffers if I'm working too much, so this is something I need to actively work on
• Continuing to ensure that I spend a bit of time every day – even just 20 minutes – in my sensory sanctuary¹

What's up for next week?

• I'd really like to publish a blog post on a specific topic, that isn't just a weekly recap; topic TBD
• Starting a game of Orbital and starting a campaign in [Traveller](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traveller_(role-playing_game)!
• Spending a bit of time every day playing with hobbies – specifically music production and drawing

---

¹: My “sensory sanctuary” is my main tool for resting. It involves laying in bed, listening to rhythmic EDM music at a moderate volume, and watching colourful lights, such as a galaxy projector or some visual stim videos from YouTube. ↩