2024-01-21: Finding balance, again

Oops, I missed a post last week! That's okay... I'm choosing to be kind to myself, and not being hard on myself for missing a post. That defeats the purpose of doing this, doesn't it? I'm writing here to share my thoughts and experiences, but also because I enjoy it. And if I'm being hard on myself, that really drains the enjoyment. What's the point of being hard on myself then?

That's a whole other topic to write about...

After almost three weeks alone over the holidays, having my wife back home was both lovely and challenging. I spent a lot of time over the holidays figuring out what I need and how to recover from burnout, and having my wife back meant I had to find a new balance. Initially, I kinda felt like I lost a lot of the gains I made over the holidays. But now I'm starting to find that new balance, and I'm back on the right trajectory.

What went well?

What did I learn?

What am I excited about?

What am I thinking about?

I've always strongly believed that I can do anything I put my mind to. That I have the skills to learn new things quickly, and I can apply that to almost anything. But this week, I really started to ponder: what if that's actually not true? What if there's things – many things – that I can't do? Maybe that I'll never be able to do?

What if I'm never able to do anything with the consistency that I have with special interests like programming?

That's a challenging thought that I don't feel like I've fully processed. There's definitely a discrepancy between what I think I'm capable of, and what I've been able to accomplish in my life. It might be worth spending a bit of time exploring that, but it's also pretty uncomfortable...

I'm also thinking about ways I can contribute to the Autistic community. This is something I feel strongly about... discovering I'm Autistic was so life changing, and has given me the tools to finally understand myself and my needs better. I've found connection in the community that I've never found anywhere else. So I feel very strongly about contributing... but I don't know how, or even where to start. It's another thing I'd like to spend more time exploring.

What needs work?

What's up for next week?

1: My “sensory sanctuary” is my main tool for resting. It involves laying in bed, listening to rhythmic EDM music at a moderate volume, and watching colourful lights, such as a galaxy projector or some visual stim videos from YouTube.